● 24 Speaking of ... are you writing something?

Four weeks ago yesterday, an anonymous note was posted on our entrance doors, written in so-so swedish. Directly translated, it read something like this:

N.B.

My pet an inland taipan (snake) has unfortunately escaped she is 130 cm long, calm, calm she’s not poisionous until she’s grown up, right now she’s a ”teenager” yellow/green/brown spotted with triangular shaped head.

She likes damp and dark places, was fed the days before she disappeared (3 days ago) so she won’t get hungry for 2-3 weeks. Both county vet, police (114) and 112 have been contacted.

If/when you find her let the animal be and contact the above mentioned authorities.

Thank you in advance

Sincerely yours, the owner

This caused quite a stir in our building, since it sounds like a bad joke, but you can't be 100% sure that it is. Moreover, we soon learned that the inland taipan is poisonious from the moment it has hatched.

After a week, the real estate manager posted another note saying that a snake hunter was working in the building, and that the attic was shut off.

Then nothing. For two weeks. Then I got annoyed of the information vacuum and sort of alerted the media... thinking that a short notice in the local newspaper could help get more information out of the real estate manager. Only, it seems the media was starving for something poisionous, on home turf, that everyone could relate to, instead of huge calamities in Japan, New Zeeland and Northen Africa. The "short notice" turned up as a spread, that was picked up by national newspapers on Sunday, and then radio, and TV. The talk of the week! (I was even on the radio - twice! And my neighbour on TV. Yikes!) Everyone I meet askes med "have they caught the snake yet??!"

After a hectic week of being hunted by media, the city's environmental department now urges the real estate manager to search all apartments, and will use forced entry if the tenants don't collaborate. In the middle of this, a conspiracy theory dawned on me. What about the guy that was evicted in September? Wouldn't this be the perfect subtle revenge on his former neighbours? At least the door code has not been changed since he moved out... Hm.

☼ 23 Speaking of ... excuse me.

I went to see a show – it was just one man on stage, a stool, no microphone, he had a glass of water. He just talked to us really. He was telling us a story (a long one), about a man who decides to commit suicide but who takes so long to write his last letters that it's difficult to get around to actually committing suicide. The man telling the story first told us that he had stomach problems and was concerned about having to run off stage at any minute (he never did). But just in case, for a story about taking your time, it was told at breakneck speed ... mostly. We were about twenty minutes in, suddenly the man stopped telling the story and turned to a woman in the audience,

Man: What, are you doing?

He walks closer to the woman who's sitting in the fourth row.
Everyone laughs.

Man: Are you writing something?

Everyone laughs.
Woman shakes her head.
Everyone laughs.

Man: It's ok, I don't mind at all.

Man walks back to the middle of the stage but then turns and walks back to the edge, closer again to the woman.

Man: I'm just curious.

Woman says nothing and tries to slide down in her chair.
Everyone laughs.

Man: I get distracted really easily you see, I'm not trying to have a go at you. It's perfectly alright that you were writing something, I just wanted to know what it was.

Woman: I was just … drawing a lion.

Some people laugh, but not everyone's sure about what she said. Some people probably think they couldn't have heard her say she was drawing a lion. I was thinking – did she say 'lion?' Or 'line?' Other people probably couldn't hear much of what she said at all.

Man: A lion? You were drawing a lion.

He walks back to the middle of the stage with his head down, he turns,

Man: Well. That's one of the finest critical reviews I've ever had. What did you think of the show? Well, I drew a lion.

● 22 Speaking of ... giving, and not exactly appropriate

Yesterday, a man was sitting outside the food store begging. I didn't have any change, but offered him two buns. "Oh, one is enough" he said, "I'm a small eater". "Oh" smiled I, "are you full?"

Only problem is I actually said full.

In swedish that means drunk (or 'filled'). Unrepearable.

I said it very friendly and smiling. But oh so wrong... Tried to quickly repair it by adding "full stomach I mean".

Gah.

He said nothing.

Biked home blushing.

☼ 21 Speaking of ... one step at a moment (and other interpretations of taking the time)

We agreed in the car that we would warn the third that if either of us started crying to just carry on – just a 'that time of (a crappy) year' type of cry. We'd both thought about canceling, but this is the kind of place you can burst into tears in without too much fuss. It's that place I told you about last year? Or the year before? Where you meet strange people suddenly in hallways, some of them take up residence in one of the many rooms around the house. Well they've moved to a new house now but we still see the same type of strangers coming out of rooms, wandering into the kitchen, fixing cars in the garage.

There's always a lot of comfort food and a cup of tea with a tiny jug for milk. But this time amongst it all were 3 miniature hour glasses, each tied with a different coloured ribbon which had been curled at the ends. I picked the gold one. And we were instructed by M that she saw these and thought of the three of us. And that we each had to think of something to say about these hourglasses.

M went first. She held her mini hour glass and said don't think the little bits of time don't matter – in a good way the small chunks of time you can put into a project or skill add up and build toward something that is greater then the sum of its parts.

I googled mine and came up with something long and not exactly appropriate that didn't really have that much to do with the hourglass in front of me. But we agreed it was a starting point and had something to do with the act of having to turn the hourglass over :-)

N delayed until we were starting to pack up. Then she came back from the bathroom and said, ok, I've got mine. This past year has been particularly rough for her but she seems to have bested it so far. She has been writing when she can, hoping to put together a book. She held her hourglass and said, this hourglass is a clock, it is simple, but it is still a clock. I aim to write a book, regardless of what happens if it gets published or not, if I finish it and even if I have to self-publish it, it is still a book.

From ※●⁂

● 20 Speaking of ... magic

I first met my acupuncturist this summer. It was almost a whole year after I first heard of her from my friend, O. From his stories, the picture in my head was a hefty assistant nurse type of woman, in hospital jumpers. Imagine my surprice, when I'm greeted by a tiny tiny bird-like little lady, always in perfectly ironed flower-printed blouses, and cherry lipstick. A little like a small voiced Edith Piaf.

She's a tiny lady, but with a full-grown self-asteem. Her first words were "finally you are here, so that I can fix you!" Comforting and truly annoying at the same time. The next sentence was, "it will take some time, but we take it one step at a moment", in her own very peculiar swenglish. I don't know why, but she likes finishing of her little wisdoms with personalised english sayings. Very cute.

It takes some time getting used to her views and ways, but after knowing her a few months, I can honestly say she reformed me completely.

I wonder what it is she sees, that the rest of us don't.

☼19 Speaking of ... real or not here they come!

I first noticed her legs, bone thin, she walks awkwardly as if on stilts. They were ahead of me in the queue at the local library checking out some books. A couple, both so old, yet the man is young enough that he's her son. And still he is so old that A thinks his son should be there too, to take care of him!

Months later I see them in the city! It's not far, but not a trip many take if old and not so well. They walk arm in arm, he's very careful of her, taking tiny steps to match hers, crowds rush around them back and forth. There's lots of flowing, silver hair, long for each of them, with a beard for the son. Their clothes are glossy too, well-kept 1970's polyester all over. It's hard to tell you more about what they look like even though I've seen them a few times since. I don't know if it's the flowing hair, the slowness of them both that turns them sort of ghostly. I glance around to see whether others are seeing them too, then look back and they're still there, calmly making their way through the crowds. But you only see them for a second before you can't help but just see time, passing and family, relationships, and then you have to turn away even though they're fascinating because these things are tough to be up this close to.

● 18 Speaking of ... Exactly what you wanted to hear. Again.

Today I had dental surgery to remove a wisdom tooth. I’ve been dreading it, and was rather shaky as I sat in the chair. The dentist pushed four shots of anaesthesia to my lower jaw and chin, and the jaw and tongue was starting to have that tingling sensation as it dozed off.

I brought my headphones and plugged them in to try to shut the drilling and cracking sounds out. Lucky, lucky me, the appointment was in the afternoon, and P3 Christer was playing! I zoomed out, and it really felt like Morgan and Christer, the two hosts, were sitting on each side of me just stroking my hands, making me feel at ease. Within minutes, they had turned my fidgeting to this surreal feeling of enjoyment, as I found myself giggling at the stories other listeners called in. The dentist was busy splitting my tooth in half and stretching the corner of my mouth so far it felt he was going to button it behind my ear. I could see the whole scene as a Japanese manga story board as my face was pulled in all directions like a rubber mask… And after only one hour, the stitches were made, shaving a whole half hour of the estimated time. Yay! I hope that the next days of healing will go as easy. I guess I’ll keep the radio running.